I'm stuck! I was so happy when I broke the 250 mark I was ready to throw a party. Who knew it was breaking 240 that was going to be the hard part. I've been stuck between 240 and 243 for most of May.
My vacation derailed me for a little bit, but I think I've officially hit that infamous plateau I've heard tell about. So now it's time to get my sizable posterior in gear and put in some hard physical labor.
When it comes to exercise I've been lackadaisical at best. A long walk here, a stint on the treadmill there (and let us not forget those crazy dance parties with Nathan) but nothing solid or with any regularity. That era HAS to come to an end. I'm ready to kick ass, mostly my own.
It's time for action!
Friday, May 28, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Things 'Round Here, They Are A-Changin!
We had so much fun visiting Meagan and David in Waco this weekend! Meagan and I went clothes shopping and we went to a going-out-of-business sale at a bead store!! We ate pizza at Poppa Rollo's (Nathan really dug walking through the "wall" into the secret room), we took him to the playground and the water park, we went swimming, we went to church, and we went to the circus. It was fan-tabulous!
The food was pretty good too! I will admit, I overdid it a little bit. Okay, a lot. One of the things I look forward to most when on vacation is trying a bunch of different places to eat. Our families outings have always centered around food, and when we're travelling every meal is an event. This morning, the first day back in the "real world," I was a little afraid to weigh. I was sure I had gained, and I was worried about how much. With much trepidation I finally sucked it up and stepped on the scale. I gained 1.8 pounds.
I was so surprised! After four and a half days of basically ignoring my diet I really expected to do a lot worse. When I thought about it I realized how much my eating habits have really changed over the course of my diet. I ate a lot more than I should have this weekend, but WHAT I ate was so much better than what I would have had six months ago.
I ate salad with nearly every meal and I really enjoyed it! I've caught myself actually craving salad lately. Back when I first started this, just looking at a salad bar pissed me off. I got down right grouchy when lunch time came, knowing that some stupid diet food was waiting for me. That has all changed now. As much as I LOVED the pizza at Poppa Rollo's and all of the yummy Mexican food, I think my favorite meal of the entire weekend was at Souper Salad. (They have the BEST pico de gallo!)
So overall, I look at my 1.8 pound weight gain as a success. There was a time when I would have gained that much in one meal. At the risk of sounding a little full of myself, I'm really proud of how much my eating habits have changed. Believe me, it wasn't an easy change to make, but I am truly beginning to believe that I'm worth it.
The food was pretty good too! I will admit, I overdid it a little bit. Okay, a lot. One of the things I look forward to most when on vacation is trying a bunch of different places to eat. Our families outings have always centered around food, and when we're travelling every meal is an event. This morning, the first day back in the "real world," I was a little afraid to weigh. I was sure I had gained, and I was worried about how much. With much trepidation I finally sucked it up and stepped on the scale. I gained 1.8 pounds.
I was so surprised! After four and a half days of basically ignoring my diet I really expected to do a lot worse. When I thought about it I realized how much my eating habits have really changed over the course of my diet. I ate a lot more than I should have this weekend, but WHAT I ate was so much better than what I would have had six months ago.
I ate salad with nearly every meal and I really enjoyed it! I've caught myself actually craving salad lately. Back when I first started this, just looking at a salad bar pissed me off. I got down right grouchy when lunch time came, knowing that some stupid diet food was waiting for me. That has all changed now. As much as I LOVED the pizza at Poppa Rollo's and all of the yummy Mexican food, I think my favorite meal of the entire weekend was at Souper Salad. (They have the BEST pico de gallo!)
So overall, I look at my 1.8 pound weight gain as a success. There was a time when I would have gained that much in one meal. At the risk of sounding a little full of myself, I'm really proud of how much my eating habits have changed. Believe me, it wasn't an easy change to make, but I am truly beginning to believe that I'm worth it.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Parental Discretion Advised
At work today, some of us were talking about how evil photos can be, and how all of us have one that we wish didn't exist. I have one. I call it my wake up call. If I saw what's in this photo in the mirror every morning, I'd have started this diet long ago.
You see, the mirror lies. What I see in it varies depending on my mood and state of mind. When I look in the mirror I can prepare. Suck in the belly and the cheeks, twist the torso just right, extend my neck to make the extra chins go away, etc. If you see something in the mirror that you don't like, you can look away, walk away, or if you're desperate, you can smash it into a million pieces. I know I've had that urge before.
Pictures are awful. You don't always have time to do all that contorting before the flash goes off. Sometimes you get caught off guard. Unlike your reflection, when you see a terrible photo and walk away, IT STILL EXISTS! And it's probably on Facebook.
In the name of accountability, motivation, and a masochistic tendency, I'm going to post that photo here in all it's disgusting glory. When I'm really craving a cheeseburger, I can look back at this blog post and lose my appetite. Here is my most embarrassing moment:
And here are some images that come to mind when I look at it:
As God is my witness, I shall never be THAT hungry again.
You see, the mirror lies. What I see in it varies depending on my mood and state of mind. When I look in the mirror I can prepare. Suck in the belly and the cheeks, twist the torso just right, extend my neck to make the extra chins go away, etc. If you see something in the mirror that you don't like, you can look away, walk away, or if you're desperate, you can smash it into a million pieces. I know I've had that urge before.
Pictures are awful. You don't always have time to do all that contorting before the flash goes off. Sometimes you get caught off guard. Unlike your reflection, when you see a terrible photo and walk away, IT STILL EXISTS! And it's probably on Facebook.
In the name of accountability, motivation, and a masochistic tendency, I'm going to post that photo here in all it's disgusting glory. When I'm really craving a cheeseburger, I can look back at this blog post and lose my appetite. Here is my most embarrassing moment:
And here are some images that come to mind when I look at it:
As God is my witness, I shall never be THAT hungry again.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Here Today... Still Here Tomorrow
My weight, that is. That dream I had of losing 50 pounds by Mother's Day? Just that. A dream. It didn't happen. Not only did I miss my goal, I lost a net .2 pounds in the last week. That's kinda crappy progress.
The good news is, I'm okay with that. Would I be happier if I'd lost more last week? DUH! Of course. But I am certainly not going to quit, so why get all pissy about one silly little arbitrary goal? I'm still sitting here over 45 pounds lighter and two jeans sizes smaller so I'm doing okay.
Some of you out there who know me might be surprised at my positive attitude in the face of adversity. (Sounds dramatic, right? lol) I know I'm surprised. I expected to be a lot more upset about not making it. God knows that's what my past experiences would suggest. But I had a fabulous Mother's Day. I spent all day with my family, played like a little kid, ate good food (but not too much), and celebrated all of the moms in my life. I guess a fantastic day like that makes what the scale is telling me a little less important.
Until next week when I show that b!tch who's boss. lol
The good news is, I'm okay with that. Would I be happier if I'd lost more last week? DUH! Of course. But I am certainly not going to quit, so why get all pissy about one silly little arbitrary goal? I'm still sitting here over 45 pounds lighter and two jeans sizes smaller so I'm doing okay.
Some of you out there who know me might be surprised at my positive attitude in the face of adversity. (Sounds dramatic, right? lol) I know I'm surprised. I expected to be a lot more upset about not making it. God knows that's what my past experiences would suggest. But I had a fabulous Mother's Day. I spent all day with my family, played like a little kid, ate good food (but not too much), and celebrated all of the moms in my life. I guess a fantastic day like that makes what the scale is telling me a little less important.
Until next week when I show that b!tch who's boss. lol
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I Could Have Sworn There Was Food Here a Minute Ago!
I've got to get myself back on track. I'm not doing too badly, but my resolve isn't quite what it was back when I started. My biggest downfalls are grazing and cleaning up after Nathan.
We went to dinner at Taco Hut with my mom and my aunt tonight. I LOOOOOVE me some Taco Hut and it isn't Bryan's favorite so I don't get it that often. I did okay ordering my dinner: two tacos, rice, a little side salad and some chips. A little more than I'd eat at home but not near what I used to eat there. The problem came after dinner.
We sat there chatting and watching Nathan boogie to the juke box and try on the fake moustache he got from the quarter machine. I had left most of the chips on my plate like a good girl, but I couldn't resist just a couple dipped in Nathan's leftover beans and some hot sauce. We sat and talked for quite a while. The next thing I knew all of the chips and beans were gone. Had we finished eating and then got up and left, I wouldn't have missed those chips at all. I was plenty full, but I ate them almost without noticing.
Not entirely without noticing mind you. I kept telling myself that I should stop and then I'd stuff another one in my mouth. Now I'm not hating myself or anything. Even with those extra chips and beans my calories for the day were probably within an acceptable range. It's just that I've GOT to break these bad habits. I've spent so much of my life overeating that I can sit there and polish off a whole extra helping of chips and beans without paying any attention or even ENJOYING what I'm eating. That's sad on so many levels.
I really don't have a lot of positive thoughts about being on a diet. I still hate it. I wonder if I'll ever get over that. There are a (very) few advantages, though. When I'm being good and sticking to my diet I appreciate my food so much more. I had a chocolate chip cookie the other day. I don't consider it a cheat because I planned for it right in with my meal, skipping the side items so I could have the cookie without going over my calories. It was just your run-of-the-mill store-bought chocolate chip cookie, but I think it was one of the best things I had ever tasted. It was sweet and chewy and yummy and best of all it came without a side dish of guilt. Back in the day I would have devoured three or four of them and barely remembered them five minutes later but now, I can still taste that fabulous cookie just thinking about it.
We went to dinner at Taco Hut with my mom and my aunt tonight. I LOOOOOVE me some Taco Hut and it isn't Bryan's favorite so I don't get it that often. I did okay ordering my dinner: two tacos, rice, a little side salad and some chips. A little more than I'd eat at home but not near what I used to eat there. The problem came after dinner.
We sat there chatting and watching Nathan boogie to the juke box and try on the fake moustache he got from the quarter machine. I had left most of the chips on my plate like a good girl, but I couldn't resist just a couple dipped in Nathan's leftover beans and some hot sauce. We sat and talked for quite a while. The next thing I knew all of the chips and beans were gone. Had we finished eating and then got up and left, I wouldn't have missed those chips at all. I was plenty full, but I ate them almost without noticing.
Not entirely without noticing mind you. I kept telling myself that I should stop and then I'd stuff another one in my mouth. Now I'm not hating myself or anything. Even with those extra chips and beans my calories for the day were probably within an acceptable range. It's just that I've GOT to break these bad habits. I've spent so much of my life overeating that I can sit there and polish off a whole extra helping of chips and beans without paying any attention or even ENJOYING what I'm eating. That's sad on so many levels.
I really don't have a lot of positive thoughts about being on a diet. I still hate it. I wonder if I'll ever get over that. There are a (very) few advantages, though. When I'm being good and sticking to my diet I appreciate my food so much more. I had a chocolate chip cookie the other day. I don't consider it a cheat because I planned for it right in with my meal, skipping the side items so I could have the cookie without going over my calories. It was just your run-of-the-mill store-bought chocolate chip cookie, but I think it was one of the best things I had ever tasted. It was sweet and chewy and yummy and best of all it came without a side dish of guilt. Back in the day I would have devoured three or four of them and barely remembered them five minutes later but now, I can still taste that fabulous cookie just thinking about it.
The Little Victories
I still don't see myself as looking any different than I did 4 months and 45 pounds ago. BUT I DO. I keep telling myself that, and this weekend I got more evidence. I went to my favorite fashionable little boutique (Walmart) for some retail therapy. I needed some capris because the only pair I own are now 2(!) sizes too big. I found some really cute ones that didn't look like clown pants so I was super stoked. Why do clothing manufacturers think us fat girls want our capris to fit like bloomers anyway?
Moving on: I decided to get a new shirt too, so I hit the $9 table because I'm a big spender like that. I'd already forced Nathan to sit in the fitting room and be patient while mommy tried on several pairs of pants, so I didn't want to go back. It's hard to try on clothes while wrestling a three year old away from playing with the door handle and exposing me to the world or trying to crawl out under the door and taking off. I can just picture him escaping and me half-naked yelling, "Somebody trip him and slow him down please!" I found a cute --and cheap-- orange knit shirt with a ruffly collar and chose what I thought was the right size using the hold it up to my boobs and see if it'll go around test, so we headed for the check out stand.
The next morning when I was getting ready for work I put on the new duds. The shirt was big. It was like a tent. I think I could have fit two of me in it. That's when I realized that in my head I'm still the same size I was four months ago. I still look at a 4X shirt and think it's going to fit. I'm slowly figuring out that I'm not a 4X girl anymore. And I like it.
Moving on: I decided to get a new shirt too, so I hit the $9 table because I'm a big spender like that. I'd already forced Nathan to sit in the fitting room and be patient while mommy tried on several pairs of pants, so I didn't want to go back. It's hard to try on clothes while wrestling a three year old away from playing with the door handle and exposing me to the world or trying to crawl out under the door and taking off. I can just picture him escaping and me half-naked yelling, "Somebody trip him and slow him down please!" I found a cute --and cheap-- orange knit shirt with a ruffly collar and chose what I thought was the right size using the hold it up to my boobs and see if it'll go around test, so we headed for the check out stand.
The next morning when I was getting ready for work I put on the new duds. The shirt was big. It was like a tent. I think I could have fit two of me in it. That's when I realized that in my head I'm still the same size I was four months ago. I still look at a 4X shirt and think it's going to fit. I'm slowly figuring out that I'm not a 4X girl anymore. And I like it.
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