Around the one-month mark, I realized I was just being a spoiled, sulking little baby. It was my fault I needed to diet and I just needed to suck it up, put my big-girl panties on, take it like a man, and various other cliches. I got into the diet. I took it on like a science experiment and researched the hell out of calorie counts and fiber intake and whatever else I could think of. I talked about my diet constantly. I'm sure I was still annoying everyone around me.
Most recently, as I neared 40 pounds lost (43 now!) I kind of liked my diet. I went down 2 pants sizes, and I can actually wear a 2X in some stores! I was feeling good and fairly happy. Then we had a Family Fun Day this weekend and at some point during the day I had a lapse of judgement and relinquished my camera to my loving husband.
There were exactly two photos taken of me and neither were the least bit flattering. When I looked at them I felt like I'd been kicked in the face. I could see no progress at all! I know that I've lost weight because the scale tells me so. I can't wear any of the pants I used to wear to work because they will literally fall off of me as soon as I let go of them. My bras are too big, and my jeans are so loose that my friend at work keeps calling me baggy butt. Still, when I look in the mirror the only change I see is that my boobs are becoming less and less attractive by the day. (TMI?) It is so terribly frustrating!
I think I'm suffering from emotional ADD. One minute I'm feeling pretty good, enjoying the way my new smaller clothes fit. The next minute I'm seeing myself in the mirror or heaven forbid, photographic evidence(!) and I can't figure out how I can actually be two sizes smaller and still look the way I do. This psychological whiplash is giving me a very non-psychological headache.
I feel you, I do the same thing. I stand in mirror and look and look. I am in a size 18 now and still I can see all the fat that needs to go. Makes me angry! But it is ok to mad and frustrated, because I think that is what keeps me going sometimes. The want to kick the fat in the ass! Take it down!
ReplyDeleteSo I say it's ok to be pissed off!
Congrats on 43lbs-I am so proud of you!
I think you are into a stage where you are being too critical of yourself. You might have a way to go till you get where you want to be, but you do look a lot better to me and to a lot of other people too I bet. Terri (Barry's mom) has commented on it. You truly have made a difference.
ReplyDeleteThinking about what I commented, I was afraid it sounded like I was saying you shouldn't feel the way you do. Which isn't what I was going for. I've felt that way before too, lots of people do.
ReplyDeleteDo you have some 'before' photos that you can compare....it doesn't even have to be an official photo, just one from before the diet. That will help you see the loss! I've been through all these stages and more. Your so smart to blog it. I journaled for a bit, but not near to this level. Keep up the good work. You look amazing!
ReplyDelete