I'm Being Haunted by the Cake Balls in my Fridge...

I helped my mom host a bridal shower this weekend, for which I dipped cake balls until after 3am on Friday night/Saturday morning. There are a few in a ziplock bag in my fridge, and every so often I can hear them calling to me. It's really hard to ignore those sweet little devil-voices calling out Come and enjoy our velvety-chocolate squishy deliciousness. You know you want to. We're your friends and we're lonely in this cold old fridge. My husband just looks at me funny every time I suddenly cover my ears and yell "Shut-Up! Shut-Up! I just can't love you anymore. It's not you, it's me. We can still be friends on special occasions!" I don't think he can hear them taunting me. They must be doing it telepathically.

ANYway...

My good friend Trish over at Just the 6 of Us blogged about her weight loss today and addressed the topic of "secret eating." While I was reading it I felt the hot rush of shame that comes when you recognize your own bad habits in someone else's writing. Before my diet I was routinely guilty of secret eating. I wasn't hiding bags of candy like she was, but I was worse. My dirty little affair was with fast food.

Whenever I hit the drive thru on the way to someone's house, I would order two sandwiches and eat one on the way so that no one would know about it. I even did it on the way home, keeping it secret from my husband. I was always careful to hide the wrapper in my car so it wouldn't be discovered in the sack. I can remember times when I would grab a burger on the way to dinner at someone's house so that I could eat less while in front of other people.

Now it just seems silly that I went to all that effort to hide my overeating. It's not like the rate at which my fat ass was expanding was a big secret. ANYONE could see that. It's like I expected people to think, "Poor Miranda. She eats so little, yet she's still so fat. How sad." Hiding what I ate was certainly not hiding the results.

It's scary to read back through this post and realize I sound like a P.S.A. about eating disorders, but it's also a little empowering. I'm realizing that I care a lot less now about what other people see me eat and more about how my food choices affect my weight loss progress. And that, my friends, IS progress.