I Could Have Sworn There Was Food Here a Minute Ago!

I've got to get myself back on track. I'm not doing too badly, but my resolve isn't quite what it was back when I started. My biggest downfalls are grazing and cleaning up after Nathan.

We went to dinner at Taco Hut with my mom and my aunt tonight. I LOOOOOVE me some Taco Hut and it isn't Bryan's favorite so I don't get it that often. I did okay ordering my dinner: two tacos, rice, a little side salad and some chips. A little more than I'd eat at home but not near what I used to eat there. The problem came after dinner.

We sat there chatting and watching Nathan boogie to the juke box and try on the fake moustache he got from the quarter machine. I had left most of the chips on my plate like a good girl, but I couldn't resist just a couple dipped in Nathan's leftover beans and some hot sauce. We sat and talked for quite a while. The next thing I knew all of the chips and beans were gone. Had we finished eating and then got up and left, I wouldn't have missed those chips at all. I was plenty full, but I ate them almost without noticing.

Not entirely without noticing mind you. I kept telling myself that I should stop and then I'd stuff another one in my mouth. Now I'm not hating myself or anything. Even with those extra chips and beans my calories for the day were probably within an acceptable range. It's just that I've GOT to break these bad habits. I've spent so much of my life overeating that I can sit there and polish off a whole extra helping of chips and beans without paying any attention or even ENJOYING what I'm eating. That's sad on so many levels.

I really don't have a lot of positive thoughts about being on a diet. I still hate it. I wonder if I'll ever get over that. There are a (very) few advantages, though. When I'm being good and sticking to my diet I appreciate my food so much more. I had a chocolate chip cookie the other day. I don't consider it a cheat because I planned for it right in with my meal, skipping the side items so I could have the cookie without going over my calories. It was just your run-of-the-mill store-bought chocolate chip cookie, but I think it was one of the best things I had ever tasted. It was sweet and chewy and yummy and best of all it came without a side dish of guilt. Back in the day I would have devoured three or four of them and barely remembered them five minutes later but now, I can still taste that fabulous cookie just thinking about it.